Lent Day 1: Ash Wednesday Reflections

On Ash Wednesday, a group of student interns from school and I attended an Ash Wednesday service at St. Peter of the Rock Church. I then took the rest of the day off school to take a break from the school routine. These are some of my reflections throughout that day:

Wow! There is such a depth and reverence I felt while attending the Ash Wednesday service this morning. What community with the students I attended with as well as with our historical community of faith. ...Then to wear a cross on my forehead (my bald forehead) so that all can see it—this mark of acknowledgement of my sin and my repentance. My experience this morning elicits a variety of random thoughts in me:

• There is something in me that mourns the loss of the historic practice of our faith—and the deep and somewhat mystical reverence it brings. This is a vein of practice that I have craved for years—it is so rich and steeped in tradition. it is so full of physical and tangible reminders—the Stations of the Cross on the walls, the sign of the Cross the participants make, the mark on our foreheads, the responsive readings and exclamations….even a sense of biblical-ness with the “peace be with you”…”and also with you” deal. The reverence for the reading of the Word of God—so much increased for the reading of something from the Gospels.

Through out the service and in the sanctuary there was so much to remind us of God’s tremendously amazing self-sacrificing love for us. Very much like the starkly simple tradition God brought me up in—the focus of the Cross was so strong and culminated in communion. The kneeling and standing was great—it kept all my senses engaged.

The Plymouth Brethren in me craved more depth in the homily and the charismatic in me cried out for more unbridled celebration (though Ash Wednesday isn’t really designed to be a celebration…).

To me there is something about celebrating a common activity that believers around the world are also celebrating today and that believers throughout the centuries have celebrated—(referring to the Catholic mass). We’ve experienced something that our spiritual and blood ancestors experienced since the first millennia.

• Now to the wearing of a mark of my faith and spiritual condition—an ash mark in the shape of a cross on my forehead. It is something new to me. I’m rebuked as I think of how ashamed and embarrassed I am to carry a symbol of repentance and Christ’s sacrifice on my forehead—yet, God carried my sin and shame upon Him. Jesus still to this day carries the marks—the physical reminders of the Cross—on His hands and feet and n His side. So, how does it hurt me to wear ashes on my forehead in the shape of a Cross for the day?

But Supreme God intentionally demonstrated His unconditional self-sacrificing love regarding us, to the extent that while we were still being sinful, Christ was slain for us. Romans 5:8

I’m so bored of little gods
While standing on the edge of something large
While standing here so close You
--we could be consumed!

What a glorious day!

I give up
I lay down
Rest my face
Upon this ground
Lift my eyes
Up to Your sky
Rid my heart
Of all I hid
So sweet this surrender!!

How great Your love for us!
How great our love for You!
--that grace would cover us
How great Your love
How great!!

How marvelous
How brilliantly
Luminous
You shine in me
And who can fail
To give You awe
To fear You God
So sovereign & strong! (David Crowder)

Another thought that has come to mind as I wear this ash cross on my forehead, is what people think of me. I am known as a religious guy. Here I sit at McDonald’s-->I’m the pastor guy who comes and studies his Bible on Saturday and Sunday mornings. They, I’m sure, are not tremendously surprised at my mark—maybe I’m a bit more radical than they thought. To John-Mark’s scouting friends’ dads I’m the pastor guy. At school that’s kinda my rep. Yet, is my reputation and my heart condition the same? There are those who would just assume that I’m a spiritual guy—this cross of my forehead screams it—yet am I truly spiritual on the inside?